Chapter 7

Being the fretting kind, Leopold should have felt right at home. He couldn’t even look in the direction of his sister’s room without fretting over the imaginary reactions his blog was now receiving. E-ridicule. Well, if that word was going to be invented for anyone, Leopold supposed he was mostly honored to have it coined in his honor, or whatever form it might arrive in. Honor was the last thing he was thinking about, and in truth his blog was the first. He couldn’t escape it, and when his sister returned home he joked that he’d spent too long surfing the Web again. Feebly, to his mind. But his sister didn’t seem to notice, or care. Leopold would take either one.

Boo remained mum the rest of the evening, even when she occasionally came to rest in his lap, or near him. The next day, however, she had other idea, possibly because she sensed Leopold was avoiding his sister’s computer, and instead using his one (which he did when he didn’t want the Internet to bother him). You’re going to want to check it out, she announced. Something of definite interest.

Not knowing when precisely he started taking advice from a cat, Leopold followed suit, and discovered this message:

Aside from all the Star Trek elements, I understand what you’re saying, and furthermore, you could say that I can relate. And I have a ride home to thank for it. You might have heard about it on the news.
Far from being encouraged, Leopold freaked. Boo tried to reassure hi, and then let him know who had sent it, by indicating below her. It was his Virgil Oswald action figure, dragged from his room. Boo had previously indicated her access to it by carrying off with the footstool robot, which Leopold found beneath the stove.

“You want me to believe an astronaut shares this with me,” Leopold said. “That sounds even crazier than I do.”

If you choose to believe so, Boo said. Whatever strokes you, but it’s your loss, and I had been under the impression you wanted this. I could hardly contain myself.

“So that’s what you’ve been doing,” Leopold said. “Here all along I thought you’d been ignoring me.”

A boy scorned, Boo said. Not so dangerous. Anyway, it’s my prerogative. I am a cat, after all. What else would you expect? For me to drastically alter my behavior, just because you can hear me now?

“This is just a quick question,” Leopold said. “How annoyed are you by some of the things I’ve said in the past? Y’know, before I could hear you like this?”

Not very, Boo said. We take such things in stride. Like I said, we’re patient. There’d be a lot of trouble if we weren’t.

“This ‘we,’” Leopold said. “Just what does that constitute?”

Oh, everyone, Boo said.

“Everyone?” Leopold blanched.

Everyone, Boo said coolly. But it’s not like we’re one big fraternity. Or sorority. We’re just in the same kingdom.

“There’s isn’t any one animal in charge,” Leopold asked cautiously, “is there?”

No, Boo said. But that’s a subject we can return to when you’re better prepared. And less sarcastic.

“I can’t help it,” Leopold said. “Humans are sarcastic creatures.”

Tell me about it, Boo said. Not literally, she quickly added. Believe me, we’re more than familiar. Don’t forget about cats in Egyptian culture, in the ancient times. They were a bother. We don’t miss them. You’ve improved in that regard.

“That’s nice to know,” Leopold said.

And that’s more of that sarcasm, Boo said. I suppose constant things aren’t so bad, if you like predictable. And most humans do. So what about this flyboy? You got your wish. Are you going to cash in on it?

“My wish?” Leopold said. “What do you mean?”

You put that message out there because you wanted a response, Boo said. You got one. So now what? Please don’t go all recidivist on me. We made too much progress, maybe not a whole lot, for me to write you off now. You’re the most promising one we’ve seen in almost a decade.

“So, I’m not so unique,” Leopold said.

You wouldn’t say that if you knew, Boo said.

“Enlighten me,” Leopold said.

I would love to, Boo said, but you aren’t ready.

“That’s so patronizing,” Leopold said.

And it’s a familiar feeling, isn’t it? Oh yeah, Boo said. Chew on that. You aren’t my only entertainment. Which was true. She presently began to bat around the top of the humidifier again, and Leopold indulged her for a few minutes, and then swatted her away. He wasn’t in the mood, but she was, and so he had to do it again not long after, and then again, and so on. She was as persistent as she said she was. Finally, he picked her up, left the room, and closed the door behind him. Boo was dropped on the floor, and Leopold went to shower. Once again, he tried not to think about it, yet he was finding it harder. He silently cursed the cat, and knew she probably heard it.

***

“Okay,” he said, “so what do I do? Call him or something?”

That would probably be a start, but not one I could facilitate, Boo said, and Leopold remembered how he’d used ring tones against her in the past. Don’t worry about that. Like I said, we don’t hold that stuff against you. It’s entertaining, besides. At the very least. Try going back on the computer. You should be able to find something that way, right?

“Maybe,” Leopold said. “I couldn’t be sure. But I can try.” Which he did, without checking back in with his blog, or even thinking of posting something else, which he was less interested just then in doing. Contacting this astronaut was a less dicey proposition, and he’d never contacted someone important before. He snuck back into his sister’s room, closing the door on Boo, and started his search, which felt almost familiar for some reason, although he hadn’t done much of that recently. He shook it off, and sifted through the results. He found some comments from tabloid sources claiming Virgil had gone insane, or that his mind had been taken over by Martians, and all of it sounded more like Hollywood than reality. Leopold had seen enough of those films to recognize those notions. But there must be truth in them, as another film had suggested, while also getting some mileage out of ill-fitting skin. This was not what Leopold wanted to find out. Except it was exactly what he wanted to find out.

This must be the struggle Boo insisted he needed to work out, and it was immensely frustrating to give slack to a cat, an admission he felt comfortable with, since he readily agreed about his continued reluctance, and in fact found comfort in it. As for personal details, Leopold found it in the last place he looked, NASA’s official profile. Why should have thought to look there, besides the fact Boo would have suggested it as the most obvious?

Now that he was invoking the cat so often, Leopold knew his crossroads were ending. He opened the blind and had a quiet moment as he looked out upon the expanse between the apartment and the next nearest structure, being another apartment complex, nearly identical to his own. The familiarity comforted him. There was no surprise out there, especially since this was not the first time he’d looked out this window. There had been a shock the first time, though, when he saw the formation of rocks that signified the sunken level the apartment rested in, compared to the rest of the building. He and his sister claimed the only apartment at this level, on this side of the complex, and the solitary nature suited Leopold well. On the other hand, they couldn’t agitate anyone below them with their sliding patio doors, as their neighbors above them did. This activity was also one of the reasons Boo liked the top of Leopold’s bookcase so much, where she lorded over the parlor and stuck her hind leg up to preen. It was all very adorable.

Just like that, he was thinking of that darn cat again. There was no escaping her. If he wasn’t already mad, he might soon go that way. He knew if he opened the door, she wouldn’t be there, but rather perched somewhere, attentive to things Leopold might be privy to, if he dared. Was he so inclined? God help him…

Virgil Oswald’s e-mail address, at least his NASA address, sat on the screen. VOswald, Leopold read, Voswald. It sounded extraterrestrial, creepy. Bad omen, he decided. Better to not g through with it. Maybe he could have one of those lobotomies that are all the rage with avoidists. He could walk around like Frankenstein’s monster, maybe even call himself Frankenpold or something. Good, good. Make it humorous. That’s a good ticket. Make it comfortable, comforting.

Yeah, Leostein. That sounded good.

***

“You do know how much of a pain this is, don’t you?” he said.

Oh, I have an idea, Boo said. Leopold had opened the door. But ‘no pain no gain,’ right? That’s one of your human mantras. We find those amusing. If I were to create one of those, what do you call them? web sites, I’d probably fill it with mantras. With a fishbowl in the background. Think your sister would like fish?

“After what you did with the plant?” Leopold said. “You’d better be joking.”

It was your plant, Boo said, and she got a replacement, which you were careful to insist was her responsibility this time. Not that it would make much of a difference.

“Damn your logic,” Leopold said.

That’d be a strange way of rewarding it, Boo said. You get a diploma, I get eternal damnation. Yeah, real fair, as always.

“You can’t make me feel guilty,” Leopold said. “You already explained your concept of animal patience.”

Coming from anyone else, Boo said, ‘animal patience’ would not have such a positive connotation.